A Light in the Darkness

I don’t want you to think I am some super-Christian through the words I write.  I am just as prone to the difficulties and hardships of life as anyone.  I love Jesus with all my heart – but I struggle often with depression. It has been my constant companion since I was young. I see you nodding your head. You understand. Depression is a bully. One that is hard to escape. That’s why you and I need encouragement and hope. The truth is, I always write to encourage myself as much as to encourage you.  Someone reading this is in the dark place of depression. I don’t know your name, but I am writing to you today.

You are doing your best to be a good, faithful Christian.  But you’re questioning your faith because of the darkness.  And the enemy is using that to his advantage.  I hear the accusations too: “If you were really a Christian you wouldn’t be depressed.  God is so disappointed in you.” You hear the reminders that Christians are supposed to be full of joy, joy, joy!  But you’re not.  I am writing this so that you, my weary and hurting friend, will know that there is no shame in depression – even for Christians.  The Bible shows that we are in very good company in this cave – Moses, Elijah, David, Jeremiah, and Paul all expressed similar emotions and seasons.  Many of the great men and women throughout Christian history struggled with depression.

I am also writing this to let you know that God loves you – even in the pit or desert or cave of depression.  He is not angry or disappointed with you.  He has not written you off.  He has drawn near to you like a caring parent does when their child is hurting.  He speaks gentle whispers of love and encouragement, and He tenderly wipes away the tears on your face. Let Him love you – it is His greatest delight.  Let Him minister grace to you.  

Beloved, there is hope for you and for me in the face of depression.  God is too good to leave His dear child in pain. David said, “You, LORD, are my lamp; the LORD turns my darkness into light.” 2 Samuel 22:29. And He will.  We have His Word on it.

A Day of Life and Joy

Exactly four years ago today, we came back home about as low as we could get. All our worldly goods were crammed in a U-Haul and discouragement and anxiety were piled high and heavy on our shoulders. And I was seriously ill and in tremendous pain. We were both jobless with very little in the bank. My husband had become disabled. I was nearing 60 and struggling to find a job.  We didn’t know what we were going to do, how we were going to survive – or even if we were going to survive, We were broke and broken.

In a few months, God opened a door to the best job – my dream job at a small Bible college, and the opportunity to continue my education. I’m still there and I’m still studying. In the months between He provided as only He can.  We never lacked anything. He continues to do it today.

Then exactly one year to the day from the worst day of our lives came the best day of our lives when Joy De’anna Andrews stole our hearts. Today is her third birthday.  May 29th has become the epitome of Proverbs 13:12: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true at last there is life and Joy.” That verse has been a lifeline to me for more than thirty years. It was the verse I clung to through seven years of infertility until our son was born. I’m holding on to it still as I pray for him to surrender to Christ. It is one of my “go-to-verses” when life gets hard. Let’s just say I go there a lot. It reminds me to never give up on God.

I say the same to you – if things are hard today, do not give up. God has been so faithful and good to us and I know with all my heart that He will do the same for you. Beloved, as long as your heart is beating – even if it’s broken – God is not done with your story. I’m living proof. He turned this once sad day on the calendar into a day of Joy! Hold onto hope. Hold onto God. Life and Joy are coming.

Where am I and how did I get here?

Have you ever found yourself somewhere you don’t want to be? It may be in a physical place or a season of life, but it is unexpected, uncomfortable, and, at times, even unbearable.   I have been in those places too; physical and emotional places so discouraging and depressing that I felt hopeless. And, like me, you’ve likely wondered, “Lord, how did I get here?” The prophet Micah offers some answers.

Micah rebuked Israel for their sin, proclaiming “All this is because of Jacob’s transgression, because of the sin of the house of Israel” (Micah 1:5). I’ve learned the hard way that sin will take you farther than you meant to go, keep you longer than you meant to stay, and cost you more than you meant to pay.

Micah also recognized the problems we face when we lose sight of who God is and what He has done. In Micah 6, God asks through the prophet, “My people, what have I done to you? How have I burdened you?”(6:3), and then reminds them of His redemption, faithfulness, and love. When we forget who God is we wander off in search of the things He longs to give us. We find ourselves in difficult places and seasons.

And sometimes, stepping out of the book of Micah, God allows difficult seasons and places to accomplish a much greater purpose that we can’t see at the moment. Sold into slavery by his brothers and unjustly imprisoned, God used Joseph to save countless lives, including the lives of those same brothers. Joseph recognized God’s hand, telling his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, to…[save] many lives” (Genesis 50:20).

God is faithful to His children, and when we are lost, He seeks us out and brings us back home. That’s the heart of Luke 15 – the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the lost son. And that’s the heart of the Father. Micah 4:11says, “There you will be rescued. There the Lord will redeem you.”  God knows right where you are and He knows why you’re there. Whether it was your own wandering or the providential hand of God, trust Him, Beloved. You’re never so lost that He can’t find you.

How to Make the Devil Run

Is there anything more precious than the “Cherub Choir” – those little preschoolers singing “Jesus Loves Me,” and “This Little Light of Mine” (won’t let Satan blow it out-whoosh!)? Precious to you and me, but a sight and sound that makes satan tremble. That’s why I love these words from the quill of King David: “From the lips of children and infants, you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger” (Psalm 8:2).

It is a sweet image with a powerful truth: Praise silences the enemy!

What is the devil’s most powerful weapon against us? Verbal abuse. He throws a constant barrage of words, thoughts, doubts, fear, condemnation, lies, lies, and more lies at us. Jesus said that lies are satan’s “native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44) This verse gives us the secret to disarming the devil and shutting down his lies: Praise the Lord! Praising God puts Satan in his place by reminding him that he is a defeated foe and that Jesus will soon return to complete his destruction.

It seems too easy to be real, but it works. Just open your mouth and pour forth praise. Search the scriptures, especially the Psalms where expressions of praise abound. Write them out so they will be handy. Better yet, commit them to memory. Let your praises drown out the lies of Satan. And surround yourself with songs of praise and worship. I know this works because I’ve experienced it in my own life. Several years ago during a deep and serious bout with depression, “After All/Holy” by Crowder came on the radio. I tried to sing, but all I could do was sob until the 2nd verse and slowly words began to replace my cries, and by the end of that song I was singing with full voice and a face full of tears. It was the turning point in my depression. 

When the enemy of your soul is berating you, when he’s pouring condemnation and doubt into your mind,  resist him with songs and words of praise. Not only does it stab at satan’s evil heart, but it refocuses your mind and lifts your own heart.  And the best reason of all to praise God? Because He is worthy. Beloved it’s time to stand on the Name and the Praise of God Almighty and make the devil run!

For the Foolish People (like me)

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The more I read the Bible the more I am amazed at God’s goodness to fulfill His plan even in the midst of our foolishness. Sarah schemed to give Abraham an heir to fulfill God’s promise. The mess she made of it all is still felt in the world today. Yet, God didn’t abandon His plan in retaliation. He still allowed the foolish Sarah to bear a son – the child of the promise. When Isaac married and his wife finally conceived, God told Rebekah that her younger son would rule over his older brother, but she still schemed to make sure Jacob – the younger son and her favorite – got his father’s blessing. Then he had to run to his uncle far away to protect himself from his brother’s wrath. While there he married two sisters and started a family with them and their maids (and people say the Bible is boring). Out of all this deception, manipulation, and foolishness, God still gave twelve sons to Jacob – sons who became the twelve tribes of Israel and eventually a nation that could not be counted, just as He promised Abraham.

That gives me hope because I have made some major messes in my life, done some foolish and, yes, sinful things.  I have heard God say, “turn to the right,” and I ran instead to the left because the grass looked greener there. It was just an illusion. I have made choices because I thought I knew better than God what would make me happy and only found sorrow and struggle. I have reaped the whirlwind of my stupidity many times. Yet God has never given up on me. He has never turned His back on me in disgust or frustration. He has never left me to rot in the pit of my choosing.  And He has never failed to turn it all around and still fulfill His good, pleasing, and perfect will. Beloved, I know He will be faithful to do the same for you. He is a good and gracious God – even when we mess it all up.

This is Why I Write

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“Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs” (Matthew 10:27).

The truth is, what you see in me – or read in my words – is not all there is.  I may look wise and together on paper, but it’s not the full picture.  I wrestle daily with depression; it has been my constant companion since I was very young.  It has taken me to some deep, gloomy places.  It has cost me a great deal in my relationships, health, time, money, and hopes, and dreams.   I’ve tried many things to keep it at bay. Medication, Scripture, and prayer have all been effective and helpful tools. But they haven’t made it completely go away. 

Do I really believe the things I write about God breaking through despair to bring hope?  Yes – because those are the very same words that God speaks to me – His continual stream of goodness and inspiration that keeps my feet steady and my head lifted.  They are His constant reminders of love flowing through His Word and His Spirit and shining in my darkness.  He knows me.  He knows that I can’t make it one day without the hope He gives.  So He speaks to me.

Then He tells me to speak to you.  Because He knows you too.  He knows that some days are so hard you don’t even want to get out of bed.  He knows that you are lonely, grieving, hurting, fearful.  He knows that you have been disappointed, forgotten, rejected, passed over – and so He tells me, “Take the words that have spoken over you and speak it over them.”  That is why I write.  It’s so you can grab onto the same lifeline God threw out to me.  Because I can’t keep this comfort and encouragement to myself – it’s much too big and wonderful for just me.  It’s for you too.  It’s a warm blanket we can share in a cold world.  It’s a quilt of encouragement

Beloved, come join me in the sweet, blessed comfort of our Heavenly Father.  Hear His words of hope, peace, encouragement, and Joy.  Let the warmth of His love wash over you.  We’re in this together – you and I – and the God of Heaven and Earth.  We’re gonna make it—He told me so—and then He told me to tell you.

Dry Ground

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“O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water” (Psalm 63:1).

“Lord, I just feel so dry, like the cracked ground of a desert,” I wrote in my prayer one day.  It was the best description of my life. My soul felt dry and my body was weary.  My spirit longed for Living Water.  In my parched state, I pleaded with God to send relief.

As He so often does, the Holy Spirit sent me on a “Biblical scavenger-hunt” to see what the Word has to say.  He took me to Exodus 14 where Moses, through the power of the Lord, caused the sea to part and the people crossed over “on dry ground.”  He took me to Joshua 3 where again the Israelites crossed the Jordan (at flood stage, mind you) by way of a divinely dried-up riverbed. They didn’t slug through mud and muck but walked on firm, dry land.  Then He took me to Ezekiel 37, where the prophet spoke the Word of the Lord and dry bones came to life again, with tendons and flesh and the breath of Life.  Finally, He took me to Isaiah 53 and reminded me that Jesus was called “a tender shoot, like a root out of dry ground,” (v. 2).

In all of these, He reminded me that dry seasons can be the gateway to the Promised Land.  They can precede a time of awakening and renewal, and they can actually become a place of growth.  I learned through these examples that surviving dry seasons requires perseverance, listening to the Word of God, and being humble and submissive before Him.  These are lifelines during these times when our hearts and our spirits are like a cracked desert.

Beloved, if you are in Christ, God will use even the dry seasons of your life to fulfill His plan and purpose.  You need not be afraid, but press in and press on.  There is Living Water in His Word and His Spirit.  He will send the refreshing you need.  Then “The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.  It will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for Joy” (Isaiah 35:1). God will bring beauty to the desert, the wilderness, and your dry heart.

Bootstrap Faith

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Do you have bootstrap faith? You know, when you are down and out and others say, “You’ve just got to pick yourself up by your bootstraps!” It was the psychology of my younger years – when life is tough you get tougher. (Modern psychology says your problems are someone else’s fault and you are entitled to compensation while you roll around in self-pity. But I digress.) You have to reach deep down inside yourself and grab on to your fortitude and strength and get on up out of that pit. After all, don’t we admire those who make something out of themselves from nothing but sheer grit and determination?  If you will it hard enough, you can do it!

So what happens when you realize you don’t have any bootstraps and you are all out of strength and fortitude and grit and determination? What do you do when you can’t carry the burdens another step? When your will just won’t anymore?

The Lord declared to His people, “I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and rescue you” (Isaiah 46:4). In all my years of reading the Bible from cover to cover, I never once found Him scolding His people for depending on Him too much. But He sure chastised them for pushing Him away and trying to handle life on their own. He doesn’t expect you and me to carry our burdens alone. Those weights become very heavy. Health burdens. Financial burdens. Relational burdens. Burdens of loneliness, depression, fear, failure, responsibility, and we could go on and on. I have mine and you have yours. And God promises to carry us through them all.

The reason you can’t find your bootstraps is because it is God who will lift you up. It is God who will reach down to pull you up out of the pit. It is God’s strength and fortitude that will carry you – and your burdens. It’s time to stop trying to do it all on your own, and let God be your Rescuer and your Strength. He is not only able to carry you, Beloved, it is His delight and Joy.

You Can Trust God

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In the past two years, it seems as if life has gone from one hard thing to another. From disease to riots to hate to natural disasters to political incompetence and international heartbreak –will it ever end? And how will we keep our sanity until it does?

Recently I was battling through a very difficult season involving a loved one that was breaking my heart and there was nothing I could do to change it. I questioned why God would allow this to happen. I knew it couldn’t possibly be His will. He needed to fix it and fast. I lived in my overwhelmed emotions and began to have physical health issues from the stress. I was mentally distracted from the work God had called me to and wanted to give up. But God (oh, how I love those two words!) began to slowly turn my heart from desperation to dependence. I started meditating more on God’s character and less on the problem at hand. I began searching the Scriptures and praying God’s Word over the matter. I stopped telling God what I thought He should do and began telling Him that I trusted Him in whatever He chose to do. God gave me a phrase that became my lifeline every time the panic would start to stir in my heart: “I have entrusted my beloved into the hands of my Father.” I posted those words on my desk and ran them over and over in my head. I often spoke them out loud so that I could hear them in my ears.

In that season I didn’t need fluffy assurances and pretty memes. I needed a real faith for real life. I needed to focus on God’s power, faithfulness, strength, and promises. I needed to go to the Word of God for a word for my soul. I needed to pray His will through His Word. As I came before Him in raw honesty I felt Him soothe my wounded heart and calm my frantic spirit. I found the strength I desperately needed. I found hope in a hopeless situation. I found peace in the storm. I found a real God for real life.

Does God Even Notice Me?

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When her cousin Elizabeth blessed the Baby in her womb, Mary broke out in praise. Luke 1:46-55 is called “The Magnificat for the first words of her song: “Magnificat anima mea Dominum” – “My soul glorifies the Lord.” Her reasons run from individual to worldwide – all declaring His faithfulness.

She said, “He has been mindful of the humble state of His servant”. (v. 48) The NLT renders this “He took notice of His lowly servant girl.” Mary was just one more girl living in a poor Judean village – she had no wealth, no status, no theological or religious education – but the Lord God of Heaven and Earth “took notice” of her.

I wonder if you feel unnoticed, overlooked, or disregarded. Day after day you do the thing – care for your family, work a long day at your job, pour over the books as you study, sit with sick loved ones (or maybe not-so-loved ones), wipe noses and bottoms (your own littles or someone else’s), clean floors and dishes. Maybe you come home to a quiet empty apartment every day, or to kids looking to you alone to meet their wants and needs. You are probably wondering how to stretch a little money a long way and when you will ever get a break. Does anyone see you? Does anyone care?

Yes, Beloved – God sees you and God cares. Mary could praise the God who took notice of her – a lowly servant girl in a poor village. This is the same God who was named “El Roi” – the God who sees me – by a pregnant Egyptian slave girl on the run in the desert. She named her son “Ishmael,” which means “God hears.” And He is the very same God who sees and hears you – every tear, every sigh, every lonely, exhausting night, every whispered prayer for help and strength. You are not unnoticed dear one – the God who created you, who sent His Son to die for you, is mindful of you. He loves you. You are precious in His sight.